I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I keep chipping away at it, I’m feeling better as the process goes on. Filmmaking and the art of entertainment is much like life. As much as it would be easier to have it all laid out before you, like a board game, taking your turn and playing it one square at a time – first school, then interning, sometimes more school, take a test, become a ‘this’! It’s not like that – it’s forward two steps, back 5, sideways a few, forward some, reeling back several, stand back up, say ‘You hit like a b*tch’, tromp ahead 4…

Like life. I’d say it’s thrilling, but it f*cking sucks. But, if I really thought it truly sucked, I’d get back into retail.

            I got ahold of a set designer. She’s a good friend and has worked on several sets, she lives in GA….. Thanks Jane. I’m looking forward to what she has to say about the idea of the set and how much it’s going to cost and such. I believe she’ll be honest with me, but still try and find me deals. I’m really excited to see what she has to say and her ideas about everything.

            I also finished the story boards for the teaser. I need to get those in front of the VFX supervisor and make sure it makes sense and can be done. I think it can be, it’s short and sweet, gets to the point without spelling it out.

            In the meantime, I need to calm down with my day to day. I’m finding myself angry a lot, maybe it’s the process, the confusion of it all, maybe it just my day to day. F*ck it, I'm having a cookie. 

Wanted: Preferably Alive

Okay, I’m a little stuck, here. I’m not exactly sure what to do next. I don’t want to try to hire people until I’m sure I know what I’m spending, I can’t do much until I know what I can spend. Is the next step to actually begin getting ready for Indiegogo? 

Maybe I should buy the URL first and have a place people can go to see how the process is going…. Like here? Sheesh! But with more pictures!

Really get the trailer in gear? Talk to someone about shooting it? I got the storyboards done. It’s quick, mysterious, I need to show the boards to someone, I think.

Maybe I should talk to a set designer. Really get an honest feel about the cost of the set. Call a friend?

I’m a little lost, I think I need some perspective.

Saturday Morning Post

           The only thing that gets in the way of doing something every day is, you know, my job. I try to take care of everything I can either after, or before, work but seeing that I have to leave my house at 7am at the latest and usually don’t get home until 8pm, some times I just gotta give myself some down time.

            On the flip side I’m going into a 3 day weekend, so hopefully it’ll come to mind to do something and not just do housework and f*ck around completely forgetting the goal. I can’t be the only one who does this, come around Monday night when finally the glimmer of realization hits me, ‘Sh*t! I didn’t do anything I was planning to” All right, I’m setting a calendar alarm right now.

            Anyway, I really do enjoy my job. There isn’t a place for me to be creative in it, which is a bummer.  I’m more of a narrative storyteller, which isn’t YouTube Nation.  So that’s okay! I love the people, I love the process, I dig the show, and the best part, I have a job.

            As of right now, I have some ideas on what I need to do today to forward this trajectory. One of which is, after today I’m only going to post twice a week – Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’m thinking about what to post here more often than what I’m going to do to make this short film happen.  So, I’ll post the updates just twice a week. Keeping myself accountable, that’s the point to posting, not just blathering on.  So, I’m going to stop blathering and start my day, now that I’m close to noon.   

Figures on Paper

I’m getting everything on paper. The actual everything. Cast, crew, location, gear, props, the list is humongous and I know I’m forgetting things. Especially props. I’m trying to get everything down from memory, and that’s just fruitless. There are so many. Everything is so specific I think the biggest chunk for the funds is going to go to props and set dressing, there’s just no faking it. When you’re creating an entirely different world, there’s no half-assing.

            Getting everything down makes things a little more real and daunting. It also gets things in a more realistic grab, if that makes sense. Who is my ideal for crew, cast, what I can look for if I happen upon an estate sale, what I can honestly borrow and what I’ll need to buy. It feels more bite size like, and not so much… you know, too big to wrap my head around. 

            I think now that I have the idea for bones on paper, I’m going to start really figuring out the teaser trailer and what happens with taxes and an indiegogo campaign – and what happens with taxes if someone donates a sh*t load of money. Also, what should the donation perks be.

            Ah yes, more lists!   

Next Step

            So, today is the day to break sh*t down. Really bite down on who my audience is, what my angles are, what the first teaser should be for the campaign itself, how much money I should be seeking, then, after that is earned, where should I go for the end goal, and what exact festivals I’m chasing.  Mainly I’m trying to break down this mental wall of confusion that likes to build up when I decide to take on something new and possibly complicated.

            I will find anything ANYTHING to do, and be extremely productive at it, to avoid doing what I should be doing. Of course, I don’t realize I’m avoiding, it’s weird. The messiness on my desk will finally get to me and I must clean it off RIGHT NOW! The living room needs to be swept, RIGHT NOW! I need to figure out if all the books in the living room should be organized alphabetically, chronologically, or by size, RIGHT NOW!! It’s not until I’m an hour into whatever it is, that I start laughing at myself about how avoidy I’m being. It’s ridiculous and silly and there’s truly no reason for it, that’s logical. 

            It all goes back to the fear of doin’ it wrong – not really failing, just doin’ it wrong. I mean, yes failing too, but mainly failing because I did it wrong. Gah!!

 Alright, time to get some mental sage and smudge the living sh*t out of my brain. Get rid of the bad juju rattling around.

Getting down to brass tacks!

Have You Heard....

            I joined a new social media site for filmmakers. I know it won’t do me a lick of good unless other people join… so, you know… join! Anyway the site is called Slated.com (I'd like to post a link to my profile page, but I only have access to my edit page, and I'm not posting that) and from my understanding, it’s there to make it easier for investors to find films and filmmakers to invest in.

            I really don’t know what this is, or if it works, but if I don’t make a first step and keep analyzing, I’m going to be treadmilling this entire project. This is just the first thing, and I gotta start somewhere, right?

            Anyway, if you’ve used Slated or have any recommendations to other sites, or ways to go about this, I’m all ears.

El Campaign

            There are so many steps in the creative process. From time to time I catch myself mentally saying, ‘step 1, blahblahblah’.  Must break that habit, there are no steps, only Zuul. Any.ha.way, creative process, that’s what I’m here for, to finally talk about what the project is.

            I generally shy away from big announcements, because when I fail I don’t have to answer to anyone about anything. Notice the ’when’? Yup. So, I’ve decided I’d much rather be the person that I admire from now on, and not the person who plays it safe and waits to fail. Or better yet, not start, or stop mid-process, because of, what the hell ever, it really doesn’t matter – I’m kind of sick of that sh*t. 

            The project is called The Collector. It’s a short film I wrote over last summer. I’m planning on directing it and getting it made. I know approx. how much it’s going to cost, and now it’s time to get the money, get things in order and start the campaign. This is my announcement.

            The plan is to figure this out as I’m going. No, I don’t know anything about fundraising, pitching, what ‘things’ I should have in order, who to approach or even how. I’m not even sure if I already know these things. What I definitely do know, absolutely, is that if I don’t do this, I will regret it.

            I’m also planning on posting this process, here. For a myriad of reasons, even if it’s just accountability, I’m getting it on paper.

            So there, Universe! I’m putting it out there! I’m making it official! Oh dear God, I’ve made it official.    

             

The Time Has Come

            I, honestly have no idea what I’m waiting for. I guess there’s still that child like part of me that wants someone to tie my shoes (AKA, do it for me), because I fear I’ll do it wrong.

            Even when I hop on someone else’s computer, or TV or something, I’m afraid of hitting a button that erases everything and take this innocent person’s… whatever, back to one. This person was trying to help me and I f*cked it up and let them down, OR put them in a worse position after I left them, then before I started. 

            The other holding back issue, is listening to what other people think of me, ahead of what I think of myself. I tend to listen to what everyone thinks of me as gospel.  “You’re just so sweet and adorable, no one takes you seriously”, “You take care of everyone else so well, that’s what you’re going to continue to do”. Then I smile and say thanks, because my mother taught me to take a compliment graciously, even if it’s a back handed one. But then, I believe it. Everyone likes me when I’m amicable, sweet, adorable – I take care of everyone else with ease, and I like being praised for it, I like being liked. I do fear being friendless.

 

            I think I know where these fears come from. I could spend the next year of my life trying to analyze it, learn from it and then take one baby step after another to finally reach my goals. But let’s be honest here, I don’t have time for that sh*t. I’m just going to have to jump off the building. Not just ‘face my fear’, not hammer through the wall of self doubt, I mean, f*ck the fear and do the thing.

            I’m getting that printed on a t-shirt “F*ck the fear and do the thing” I’m getting that printed on my brain.