I don't like being here again. Being out of a job, looking for employment. Besides being not fun it really does chip away at a person's mental state and belief in themselves. Seeing a perfect job and knowing it was made for you, but not getting an interview. Hearing, 'We'll get back to you next week' and not hearing anything about it, for going on three weeks. Then you question what you should do - do I email, do I call, should I wait, did they forget about me, did they get hit by a bus, don't they know that waiting kills? After an interview, and you send the usual thank you card and nothing in return. Nothing, just waiting. At the whim of everyone else's busy schedule, while you wait.
I'm trying to do more than just be at the whim of someone else's plan. I do keep writing and planning, I just did a once over of the kitchen trying to figure out where an overhead camera could be mounted over the stovetop. I'll keep filming and submitting because I know what I want. There's a buzz in my ear that I've had ever since my contract went up and no one asked me to stay at my last job, 'You are much better than this'. I think it carries me through. My desires are right on the cusp of reality I need to push it to make it so. Sometimes the push confuses me.
Does that sound odd? It's like the first few moments of the day I have to claw out of despondency and sometimes by then the view is cloudy - I know what I want, but I don't know what to do. So this blog is the beginning of me making some kind of a plan. I'm breaking down the wall of myself to get myself so I can be myself. Yup - this is all about me (if you came to read about something about you, come back later).
I do understand that everything ends. TV shows, relationships, good times and bad times, everything ends. I'll sell a screenplay, or finish the short make an impression and someone will give me money to do what I want - or, someone will hire me as a creative producer, or a writer and then I'll do something else that I want. Either way, the tide will change and I'll get a job.