10 things for 2015

My 10 things to remember for the New Year

Be kind – above all, a kind word of gesture goes farther than anything. That being said...

Be honest – with yourself and with others.

Be thankful - “When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity” Elie Wiesel

Be loving – even when you’re pissed

Be courteous – especially with the people you see everyday. Don’t use your home and family as a receptacle to dump your bad day.

Be courageous - “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently” Maya Angelou

Be a dreamer – and a dream chaser.

Be an anticipator – instead of a procrastinator (I gotta work on this one)

Be strong – days, weeks and sometimes months are going to suck. It’s going to end. Be stronger than the suck.

Have fun – laugh, play, make art, read, watch movies, go to Disneyland. “Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!” Auntie Mame 

Merry Christmas Eve-Eve!

      Christmas is a few days away. I'm trying to focus on the holiday right now just because other things seem very overwhelming. I don't get stressed over a holiday. I like to plan and plot, but I don't see the point in getting stressed over gift giving and eating great food. Granted, I don't have children, but still, to get upset and frothy over finding gifts and baking pies? It's not curing cancer, and it's not even close to brain surgery. My shoulder muscles are in knots over other things.

      My job concluded last week. The holiday break was always going to happen at this time, but instead of feeling 'YAY! Two weeks off!' it's more odd than joyful - well, I have two weeks off, then possibly more weeks off after that. Blech. Besides not having a regular paycheck, I'm not going to see my friends daily. That's really the bummer. The upside is, and what keeps me going when shit like this happens, this will end - the only thing that good times and bad times have in common is they both end. That sounds so downer, but if you think about it, it's kind of nice. This not having a regular job, it will end, I'll meet new people, I'll have new adventures I haven't even thought of yet. The 'bad times' is just the walk to the next door to open. Look how inspirational I am!

      The other thing is (the main thing is) - The Collector. I need a marketing push, or something. I'm not sure how to raise more funds, and I must. Just typing these words make my muscles tense up. I'm excited about talking to people about costume design and makeup for the fairies, but it's going to cost money. Even if everyone donates their time, I need to pay for materials. Erg! I tend to freeze when I get overwhelmed - like suddenly my brain ceases because I'm thinking of all the things that need to happen, I can't prioritize, the thoughts pour into my brain like a waterfall (and they're not creative thoughts, they're 'f*ck I need to do this' thoughts) it overflows and I become paralyzed. Next thing I know I'm playing with shiny keys on the floor. And that really isn't productive at all. So I focus on Christmas.

      I guess what I'm trying to say is, you know - give me money (said with a smirky smirky smile). Or give me ideas on how a can raise more. I'll take any and all suggestions, besides the spam that fills my Indie GoGo inbox. Apparently, that's the new Nigerian prince gimmick - I have dozens of PM's in my inbox all saying the same thing 'if you give me $5 I'll tell everyone in my feed to donate to your campaign', and they only have 70 connections. Seriously. Anyway, If anyone knows an inexpensive way to put the word out, I'll take it - or knows someone with extra cash that has always wanted to get into the filmmaking business, send them my way. Until then, I'll be wrapping gifts and playing with shiny keys.

Donate here    check out the Facebook page here

All Good Things….

            It took me a couple of days to process that the show I had been working on this past year had been cancelled. Honestly, I still don’t think it’s hit me completely.          

Even watching the last YouTube Nation episode, I smiled and laughed and thought to myself, this is great. Is – not was. We have so much fun there – wait, these are now just memories??

            YouTube Nation was an anomaly. I have never worked in an office where we filmed every day, posted a show every day (ok, maybe once or twice we didn’t), sometimes more than one, and still did outlandish productions – did you see the Halloween episode? Sheesh!! If it was a slow day, it was rare. Yes people got snippy, and yes there were arguments, but I can honestly say, we all genuinely liked each other. 40 of us, not a douche to be found.    

            I’m not that great with goodbyes. Anyone who has known me for a while knows I like to cut and run. I don’t say goodbyes, I’d rather do ‘see you again’s. If it’s going to be a particularly hard send off, I’ll French exit while you’re at work. Yes, it sounds harsh and heartless, but those that it happens to have said they know – they know that it’s because I care and love them too much to say goodbye. I’m freakin’ tearing up right now, I get emotional very easily. It drives me crazy. Now, I have to say goodbye to 40 people? 40 people that have become family, some I have spent 10 hours a day with, every working day, for the past 15 months. Shit.

            But, we move on. Wrap up the office and ship things away. We file for unemployment, and hope we don’t have to use it.  We look for new jobs. It’s going to suck, and I’m going on hoping that I’m going to find something close to what I had there. Life actually does go on. I’ve got The Collector to work on, that’s awesome and maybe I can wrangle some of these people to come onboard. Either way, I’ll miss you, YouTube Nation family. I feel I’ll see you all again.  

           

It's The Holiday Season

          Deck those halls! Roast that bird! Nog that egg....nog. It's time for pine smells, and the sound of bells, and somethings else that rhymes with shells.

          If you're feeling the need to find a place to donate funds, or if you're one of those people that donates for others as a gift, might I suggest something completely out of the ordinary. The Collector Indie GoGo campaign  I'm not going to save the whales with this, or shoe the shoeless - I'm just planning on making a movie. But, when was the last time you gave a few bucks, knowing that it would be making a dream into a reality?  That's exactly what it would be doing. No matter how small or large a donation, it would totally go into making this film. I know it's a non-conventional place to donate, but why be conventional?

          I won't always be pushing for donations all the time here. I won't. I just really need a kick to get this going!

         Check it out, and tell your friends! The Collector

Let's Smash The Champagne!

            The IndieGoGo campaign has been launched!... And I’m a little scared. It’s this weird combination of scared and excited and if I had more time, I’d think about it. But in all reality, it’s just what happens when you finally take a leap. It’s just been so long since I have.

            Even when I was filming the video for it, I wanted to vomit. I hadn’t been on camera since… ever.  Even then I was playing a character, not being all me the whole time. Fumbling and screwing up lines – as me! Basically, what I’m trying to say is it’s scary.

            Putting yourself out there for acceptance. Asking people to help on your own dream. Desperately needing to cast off those thoughts of ‘why would they’, ‘why would anyone care?’ That’s the past there, that’s the negative crap saying you aren’t good enough. Nah, those voices were always there, I just was too bull headed to listen. I need to remind myself of that.

            Why wouldn’t they? Why wouldn’t you? Why wouldn’t I help out? I would, I have, why wouldn’t someone else help out me? Why wouldn’t a bunch of someone else’s? That’s what I’m hoping for. Wait, no, I take that back – I don’t like ‘hope’, ‘hope’ pisses me off. That’s what I’m counting on. Yes, that’s better.

            So that’s it, for now. If you read this and you ask yourself ‘why would I?’, besides the response of ‘why not?’ let me add,  because this is going to be awesome, because then you’ll be a part of something awesome, and because you’d be helping me out and I’m not all that bad. Join me in something scary!

Link to the IndieGoGo page

She Was Named After A Bat And Looked Like A Dragon

            I haven’t been the best of updaters this week, I know. I don’t want to say I have a great excuse, mainly because I don’t like ‘excuses’. But there is a reason.

Last Friday, I had to say goodbye to my furry four legged girl.

            Her name is Stella and she was named after the children’s book Stella Luna. And she looked like Toothless from ‘How To Train Your Dragon’. She was born on St. Patrick’s day in 2000, so I would never forget her birthday or her age. I won’t go into detail about adopting her, moving to Los Angeles from Seattle, divorcing and all that. I’ll tell you she was the smartest cat I’ve ever known. She figured out how to pull things across a counter with string, she could open doors, she knew when to wait and when to be calm if she heard me tell her ‘it’s okay’. She met me at the front door when I came home from work, every night, right up to the last night I had with her.

            We discovered she had an inoperable carcinoma tumor in her lower bowel, back in January. When she was initially diagnosed, the vet said, if she was a betting person, she wouldn’t give her a month. Not only did she last the month, she was doing better than before she started showing signs of a problem. I was secretly hoping some crazy miracle happened and suddenly the cancer was gone. But that wasn’t the case. The vet put her on prednisone, and the steroid caused all the swelling to go down, so she was doing really good for a long time.  And then, she wasn’t.

            I had decided at the very beginning that whatever happens, I would only think of Stella first, and try my hardest to not be selfish. Everyone said I would know, ‘You’ll know. You’ll just know’ When things started to go downhill I wasn’t sure I would know.  I don’t want her to go too soon, but I don’t want her to suffer, she’s still doing things she loves, she still wants to be brushed, she still meets me at the door every night.

            I was sure that I wouldn’t know, that upset me so much. I just wanted to be there for her and strong for my BF and an adult about the whole thing.  Suddenly, I did know. It’s a real fine line – and it was quick.

            After everything was over, I was surprised by the one thing I wasn’t expecting to feel – anger. Yes I was sad, I didn’t feel guilty, I knew I did the right thing. I was pissed off as all hell. After it happened, I sobbed into my hands, in the passenger seat of my boyfriend’s car, yelling how badly I didn’t want this to happen. It still gets me – I didn’t want this, I wanted her to get better, I don’t want her to be gone. It makes me so angry.

            It’s a week later and I still find myself bursting into tears when my mind starts to wander. This morning it was because I couldn’t remember if she woke me up by kissing my forehead Friday morning or Thursday morning. Sometimes it’s because I think Cleo (the younger furry girl) misses her too.  But usually my heart sinks every time I open my front door, coming home from work, and there’s no one there to meet me.

 

More Art!

     Some of my artist friends have been making concept art for the fairies, and it's been so freakin' awesome (I over use that word, don't I?). You can see it on The Collector FB page, but I had to share it here too.


     First, my oldest friend Deb Currier (Dr. Diva Designs). Deb and I first met when we were freshmen in high school, and immediately became best friends, or 'est ends', as we called it. She was always more artistically inclined than I, she drew, played guitar, and sang so beautifully. Even though we have lived in different states for years now, I still consider her my est end.






     Second, I met Erin Leong (You can see all her art here) just this last June. I was in an art gallery at Downtown Disney when she was having a show. Part of her collection was a series of fairies in jars. I bought two of her prints, and met Erin in the process. A few months later, when I finally committed to going totally ahead and starting the project, I asked for her permission to show her art on The Collector's FB page and she was all for it. I also keep her print of the blue fairy next to my desk for inspiration.



     Lastly, for now, my talented friend Yasmine Diaz (her website). Yaz and I met when we were both working in a coffee shop up in Seattle, like, 14 years ago? Jeez! We bonded immediately when we realized we had the same INsane sense of humor (She called me once, after we had first met, at 1am on a Saturday night because a sketch she had told me about was on SNL. When I picked up the phone all she did was yell 'OLD FRENCH WHORE! OLD FRENCH WHORE!' I knew we were going to be forever friends). She sent me a drawing last night, of her fairy.

     

     I have to mention here, too, Pat Connelly who did the avatar of the monarch winged fairy that is the profile picture for the FB page. 

     I have some crazy talented people in my life. And, I'm a way better person for it!!